New Guy #2: "D"

Got off phone with New Guy #2: "D". 2 hours. Long @#$#! time. I'm exhausted, but at least this time there was no strange past relationship discussion. D's issue is he talks way too much, too fast and too long. I kept on saying to him "it's whoosh, overwhelming, too much, take a chill pill." It's so counter intuitive, but the more I push, the more "intrigued" they become. I think the new strategy will be to be silent and reserved. Honestly, I think that is what I'm looking for. Someone to have a normal, engaging, mentally stimulating conversation with. Not where I have to "yell" back off, where fiestiness is construed for interest.

New Guy # 1: "R"

R had 10 strikes against him before I met him at Starbucks tonight. I mean...there was the sleepy/drunken-look photo, the WAY TOO MANY emails, which now, in retrospect makes sense. Maybe we rushed things. Our first call was today, and we met today. We spoke briefly in the morning. Then, we spoke in the afternoon, around 3p.m. and said I was on my way to Costco for a couple hours, but could meet up with him afterwards, i.e., around 5p.m. He said okay, he had to be at the airport at 8p.m. I call back at 5:30p.m. and said let's meet up if he still has time. He said okay, but had wasn't ready and had to shower first. Huh?! All along, he seems super sleepy-tired, but I can't really tell if he just talks like that. Did I wake him up at 3 PM? Apparently I did. He shows up late (but he did call to say he would be right there). He shows up with hair spiked-in-the-middle, 2 inches high. It's 6:50 p.m. and he had previously said he should leave around 7-ish to pick up his friends from the airport by 8p.m. He's not very talkative, is he just sleepy-tired? Have I mentioned that before? He took 2 phone calls during our conversation. His friends called to say they were waiting at the airport for him. (The airport is 30 miles away) I said he should go. He said "naw". I'm sure he meant well by me, but what I saw was complete flaking on his friends. BUT, he did text message me right after to say "You seem like a cool gal." Awh....

Happy New Year!!

I am "girl on a mission": I am on match.com; signed up with eharmony; submitted myself to selectivesearch; and will likely join chemistry.com. Is there any more that I can possibly do? Will something come about in 2008?

I shouldn't complain too much. December has been a popular month. I've gotten several inquiries from new guys, mostly through match. The difficulty has been finding time with the holidays, trip planning and trip taking. I was haw-flaking but am now recommitted to taking the "dating project" seriously. That means, actually emailing, calling and meeting even though it's a bit of a drag. With all the potentials, I've managed to not actually meeting anyone this month.

On that note, I called a new guy: "R". He emailed me WAY TOO MUCH, but the new me attitude said "proceed regardless". He sounded normal enough on the phone and we may meet for coffee today. I called new guy2: "P" and left a message. He too emailed WAY TOO MUCH, but the directive is clear "proceed regardless".

I got the most flattering initial email from new guy3. Now, looking at the pictures, not much interest. But, really it was quite a flattering email. An excerpt: "I keep coming across you profile and it's one of the most interesting one's I've read yet... It's simple: honest and open, and you TRULY have an interesting, quirky sense of humor! I like that....You've definitely got style my friend!" Of course, the skeptical side says "it's a line it's a line its a line" I haven't responded yet and haven't decided how to respond.

A First Conversation First

I just got off the phone with a new one, after 1 1/2 hours. "Wow! it must have been special" is what you may be thinking. But no, no, no. It was interesting but hardly promising. This guy is whack. I mean, all his exes have been crazy girls (one stole money, another had on-going relations with her exes, and another bought herself a ring and told friends they were engaged). Very entertaining to listen to, but WAY too much drama. I told him: drama attracts like; he should look "inside"; "not really interested", "yeah, you kinda did scare me off." And, all the more he's interested.

Really?

There a couple new guys from match. What is with the "what IM do you use?" question. I mean, have you not heard of a phone? I like IM and email but talking is much faster. I know there is a new generation out there that is more socially comfortable with IMing. But, not me.

What should I do?

Oh so the match.com guy who stood me up months and months ago wrote to me again. I completely changed my name and profile and picture so I've been getting the same people. I should just close him and ignore. But part of me wants to see what he says. Now that I'm wiser...I'll be ready. Is that mean? worth my time? It could be fun!

Attitude Adjustment

I need an attitude adjustment. For those who are not familiar, eharmony has what it calls "guided communication". For the first few communication exchanges, you don't just write to the person. First you exchange a list of pre-selected questions, multiple choice answers. For example: If you decided to stay at home for the evening would you tend to (a) watch tv (b) talk on the phone (c)clean (d) read. By the third round or so, you write your own answer. Only after this process of pre-selected back and forth, do you enter into an "open" communication phase, where you can freely write back and forth.

Okay... so I'm like a kid in an elevator pushing the buttons indiscriminately...if only I could push them all at once. But instead, "a"-sure why not; "c" no I'll try for "d" this time. I mean, how helpful is that?...to review a multiple choice answer. I've been answering everyone's questions. And, because I'm bored and bored and bored I just zip right through it all, barely paying attention to what's said, what my response is, who's who, like I really care...

~~HURRY~~

I know it's me, but I'm really discouraged and annoyed by the on-line methods of matching. It's SO contrived, and there is NO ONE of any interest. I mean NO ONE. Okay, so it's only been a few days, but it'd be nice to know that there is some quality out there. I skipped a social today. Maybe I should have gone, but I didn't want to eat more holiday junk. I forgot about the goal to meet as many people as possible.

New Directions

Okay, so I'm not really trying a new direction in this quest of mine. If I could think of a new direction, I would set forth and go. I've exhausted match.com, so now it's time for eharmony. I'm officially signed up, but I am already irritated at it. They do this guided communication thing, where you can only ask preset questions, and the responses are multiple choice. I think its pretty odd. I have to keep an open mind, so I will, but for now, I think it's pretty dump. Blllththththt...!

Meeting People

I just came back from a talk on the Iraq war, presented by a retired Marine Colonel. What does this have to do with boys and this blog, you may be wondering. I was rather energized by the talk, and realized that I value a sense of country/patriotism. So, add that to the growing list of requirements.

I went on second date, a movie--No Country for Old Men--with HR. He's nice but not my type. I need to move on, but don't know how to tell him. After our date, he called me to make sure I got home alright. Isn't that nice? I feel like I should call him back, but don't want the awkward call.

Sat night, I met another guy-OQ-who said he'd definitely call. He text messaged me instead, and I think his message got cut off, but am not sure, so I don't know if I should call him or text him back or what. Anyhow, he's short.

Another First Date!

Just got back from another "first" date with HR. Met at usual spot. Ate lasagna, was very filling. Not much to talk about. I mean, he was pleasant, but there wasn't any strong connection. He's short too, like I remembered. He was okay, but that's not enough. Must think of new options.

November's Come and Gone

I know it's been a while since my last entry, but I really didn't think it had been this long. Thanksgiving has passed, and not a single November entry...until now. Wish it could be more interesting, something juicy. But, there's just not much going on.

Still never heard from RS. I think it's safe to conclude that episode is over. Last Saturday (9/17), I went to a party and met someone who said he was going to call me. I gave him my number; he insisted he would call. I distinctly remember him saying it 3 times, at different conversations during the evening. Haven't heard from him. Now, I just don't have any expectations. If it happens, great. If not, oh well.

I took up speed dating again around 9/12. I was so uninterested and acted so. But someone apparently was intrigued enough to want to meet me again. After not calling him back until a week later, and after being incredibly uninterested (but polite), I guess I'm meeting up with him on Wed. Will keep you posted. But, I just don't have expectations anymore. If it happens, great. If not, oh well.

The End

I've decided, I think I have, maybe, I think, that I am going to break it off with RS. Basically we see each other, it's good, but I just don't get the sense he is that interested. He's interested, but I want someone really interested. So anyhow, I know I need to clearly end it, more for my own mind, to have closure of it all.

Anyhow, I am tired of him, and of dating. I want a break or I want something new and exciting to be involved in. I've been with RS for three months and I'm tired. Not good, huh?

Now, I just need to find a way to tell him. I mean, if I don't contact him, who knows if he'll contact me. But, I want that "conversation" to have that definitive end, and now.

Just Things

Things with RS continue. I'm happy or content, but constantly am thinking about whether there is a future or not. I'm not sure if I our relationship is progressing, or if I'm being overly analytical.

J (See 9/30/07)emailed me tonight and asked for my number again. His explanation is that he didn't save my number from before and wants it again. Now, I don't want to pursue him any further because he is slow to email. I emailed him almost a week ago. That's just shows no serious interest on his part. I'm a bit tired of the process and need a break so want to end it with him. I could just ignore him, but I think that's rude. Trying to think of a good way to phrase it.

The Pendulum; Two Strike Outs

Things continue between me and RS, ever so swingingly. This past week we saw each other twice; once during the week, and then on the weekend. He seemed more interested than before. But, just when I think it's solid, I get the vibe it's not. Is it a deliberate push-pull or a natural back-and-forth. Am I wasting my time? Is he worth it? And, as we spend more time together, I see more of him and his behavior/character. Do I really like it all? Or am I so absorbed into him that I don't have objective judgment anymore? Ah, maybe its part of his master modus operandi?

On a side, now that I have more expectation of myself, I'm upset at having struck out...twice! (I'm referring to softball as I just got back from a game, but thought, somehow, that I could analogize.)

He's Just ....

He's Just Not That Into You. I got the book and have been roaring through it to see if it can shed light on my situation. So far, it hasn't really helped. Granted, I'm only 1/3 way through, but my situation isn't quite "he's not into me", but isn't quite "he'll let you know he wants you." I'll keep reading and maybe some epiphany will happen. I tried to "futureme" the situation(I tried to send myself an email 30 days into the future to see if I've made progress on accessing this situation), but they don't act as a reminder service; the minimum time is 90 days. Anyhoo...I'm serious about being serious about deciding whether to stay or not stay in this "relationship".

The Next Step

I took the next step and called a new person--J. No last name yet. We talked, it was good. Not so exciting. I realize that finding someone with comparable education is important, or attractive. I hate to be superficial that way, but learning that he went to a local school instantly made him seem so provincial. It's unfair because he could be more worldly than me, but that's the impression I felt. Then, when he found out what I do, I could hear/feel the gasp of impressiveness/intimidation to "oh, that's cool..." grasp for confidence.

All in all, it was a normal talk. He's into music, so that automatically makes him intriguing. If not for that, I wouldn't really pursue him any further.

Auction Anyone?

Tonight I went to a bachelor auction--local firefighters. Not sure what was more entertaining to see, the bachelors or screaming women. It was almost as wild as those male dancer/reviews. The boys loved it, all the women going crazy, screaming "take it off". Some shoving dollar bills down their gear. The last guy even showed a little buttock. Earlier on, a friend commented on one guy's nipples and for the rest, I kept on comparing staring. Also, I've had recent fascination with belly buttons. Some men just have huge pits/holes in their bellies. I've seen some where you could put a golf ball. Ewe. Maybe I exaggerate. Most of the crowd was younger, but the women with the purchasing power were older. The term cougar was thrown about.

Parsing perusals

So, the back and forth goes back and forth....then he said: Stay in touch though, ok?
This was said to me after determining that our schedules prevented us from getting together for almost 2 weeks. On the one hand, it expresses interest, no? On the other, hand its distant, like "take care". On the one hand it shows his doubt/insecurities; on the other hand, couldn't he just call if he were so concerned about keeping in touch? Is this like the obligatory "KIT" "BFF" scribbled on the last day of school in our yearbook? Yes, I have regressed. KIT my BFFs!

What happened.....

I haven't made an entry in a while because nothing has been happening. [pause] I've been trapped in this waiting game, trying to find some conclusion before writing about it.

So we had this great date a couple weeks ago. Presumed that another great date would follow, but didn't, but didn't know why, but didn't want to dismiss, but did, then didn't, and now did (or have or will). Follow?

When we finally saw each other, THE topic came up (about "us") (okay, I forced it a little). He said nothing ever good comes from these talks. Of course he's right, but they're necessary. The conclusion was left ambiguous, with no more clarity than before, which makes it clear, obvious, and a little sad.

I'm back looking, keeping my options open, forcing myself to because....

He may..., we may..., but I'm not going to hang any hopes on him. How do you keep optimistic after these lessons?

A Good Date

I think I had an objectively perfect date on Saturday. He took me to a theme park (he works there so he got me in for free). We spent a couple hours going on a few rides. It was fun, scary, exciting and engaging all at the same time. The weather was good, not too hot. By the evening, we headed over to a sports bar and watched college football. He followed his school, I followed mine. My school won. We sat, we ate, we chatted; it was fun, entertaining and exciting all at the same time. We continued to hang out afterwards, until we parted ways at night. I think this is what friends mean when they advise me to just enjoy and have fun; this is the best part. BUT, But, but....

Toggle II

Just when I was okay with letting the guarantee requirements go, I got an email from someone new. How excited I was, not because the person was of any interest, but because I could write back something neutral and meet the requirement. Really, what does this say about me and priorities? Btw, the person was not so great.

On another note...On the one hand, I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I like (love) compliments about my physical appearance. However, a first email that comments like that...ick.

Toggling

The match guarantee program requires you to contact five unique members each month. Tonight is the last day of the month, and I've gone back and forth and back and forth as to what to do. I haven't been contacting anyone new, or for that matter responding to anyone new...been busy, not interested, busy, occupied, etc. But, I don't want to give up the guarantee, just in case, you never know what can happen. So, I went on a contact spree and replied to 2 who have expressed interest. It (the program) doesn't say you have to have quality contact, just contact. I need one more...but don't know what to do. Should I just choose someone completely randomly? I don't want to give the wrong impression, so I have to be careful who I contact, what I say, etc. Then, I say, this is wrong. Why am I so concerned about the guarantee. Why not trust my gut?...because I don't trust it!

A Test?

My trip to Miami was great, all except the jellyfish sting on my face which left the left side of my eye/face swell up, with a dark red welt on my cheek and brow...oh, and there are blisters too. I had made arrangements for RS to pick me up from the airport, and he agreed. I was pleased that he agreed because the airport is a bit of the way away. So, I was nervous how I would appear coming off the long flight, with the scars of looking battered. Well, he saw me, but I rushed the subject for fear of an awkward reaction. So, I couldn't really gage the genuineness of the response (contrary to work today where some people glared but did not say anything, and others were "WHOA! WHAT HAPPENED?!")

Anyhow, so the reaction went cordial. Having seen me last night, the real test is will there be a follow up "how are you doing? how's it healing?" So far...nothing. This is of genuine, serious concern.

Nothing New to Report

Since it's been a while since I made my last entry, I feel I need to give a progress report. There really isn't anything new to report, which probably mean things are going well. So far, the more time spent together, the more I like. The irrational excitement is waning but...it's okay.

A Peril of Being On-Line

I was at the gym the night before last. Wasn't really up for a vigorous work out, but did 20 min on the elliptical then went to the mats to stretch and do floor exercises. So, there I am stretching, doing crunches, whatever and the guy next to me looks over, points and says "XXXX" (the screen name I use on my match.com profile). I look back, puzzled. He repeats, and I slowly acknowledge, that yes, it is me. He reassures me that he hasn't contacted me, but did recognize me. Trying to be polite, I ask what's his name. He refuses to answer, and said it would be mysterious or something that way. O-k-a-y.... When I returned home, I looked him up. I shot him a "found you" message. He replied, but I didn't. Maybe I'll see him at the gym again, maybe not. He didn't creep me out, but the experience was a bit surprising (and that's being very understated.)

Angels & Airwaves--The Adventure

This was my song...a year ago. Started listening to it again....

Email

Is email an acceptable form of communication equivalent to talking on the phone? Does it mean anything if one chooses one form over the other?

What next?

Had another nice day with RS on Sunday. I don't want to get paranoid, but I am anxious to know what's next. I know I should just enjoy and take it easy, but I want to push the fast forward button and know how this ends. I have doubts (insecurities?) that he's got no intention of getting serious. Because I can't attribute the doubt to any action on his part, I wonder if I'm just being
paranoid/over-analytical. It's such the C-22. If he were overly effusive with feeling, I'd so roll my eyes and not trust anything said. But, where little is expressed, as here (on both sides), I'm left wondering and anxious to know. Oh, such mind games....

A Test

I met up with IX-- a teacher/tennis player/surfer dude. It was off to a bad start because we agreed to meet at 6:30p.m. at the cafe. He wasn't there at 6:30p.m.; I called--"what's up, where are you?". He calls back, apologizes--he didn't have my number (bc I never gave it to him) and he couldn't call to let me know he was running late. I suggested to meet back in HB, since we are both closer to that area. So, I drive back to HB, and about an hour after our initial meeting time, we meet up. I'm hungry by then, so "coffee" turned into chili fries at Johnny Rockets. Conversation was good because he's a teacher and there's lots in common. I just took surfing lessons this past weekend, so there was that in common too. I've always had a thing for tennis too. I think guys are easy--if you are a girl who's into the sports they are, they get all ga-ga. Conversation was fun-interesting...as I said, we had things in common. Afterwards, as we are headed back to our respective parking areas, he casually suggests meeting up again. "Would you be up for meeting up again..." he says. Shyly, but in an erratic-confused-but-forward way, I say: "maybe...not really." I wasn't ready for the direct question. Direct question gets direct response. I couldn't say yes because that wouldn't be the truth. He was totally cool about it, saying no one has ever said that, but he really appreciated it. I felt bad, tried to qualify my response as "thank you so much, the evening was totally cool, but..." How could I say that my mind has been fixated on someone else, that he never had a shot to begin with. Objectively, I think to myself, IX is too tall, too skinny, too blond...not my type. Yeah....that's the story and I'm sticking to it.

New Crossroads and Decisions

I had a great time with RS last night and we are supposed to see each other tonight. So far it's good and I feel good/right about it. The question now, is what do I do about other guys who want to meet up? RS and I are hardly at the level of being exclusive, having gone out only 4 times. But,
there are others who want to meet up with me and I don't know how to respond. If you had asked me last Fall, there would be no hesitation, I would definitely meet others. But now, I don't quite feel so strongly about it. The rational side says I owe it to myself to meet others, how else will I know for sure. RS and I could fizzle by next week, so I should keep the opportunities open. But, it wouldn't be fair to the new people because I wouldn't really be open.

Tuesday

I agreed to meet up with a new guy, for coffee. I feel a tad guilty, just a tad...does that mean anything? I suggested tomorrow because Thurs I'm busy and, it felt off to have it after my date on Fri, i.e., Sat or Sun, although I am quite open those days. Next week would work too, but I kind-a wanted it over with.

Being at Crossroads

I had a nice birthday weekend. A friend took me out to a movie on Friday, and a play on Sat. Although the Sunday get together didn't happen as planned it worked out very nicely as I got to see RS...our third date (aah:)) I wanted to see him on the weekend, but he had plans on Sat, and I had plans on Sun. But then the plans changed and we hung out. We went to dinner (although I had just eaten and was not hungry at all); we had drinks and then strolled along the beach with the full moon staring at us. So basically, we went to the next level. But now, my mind races with all the possible combinations of where/how to take "this". What are the expectations, what's the timing? When do we go to the next next level?...what the heck is that anyways? what do I want? what's better for me? Do I think? or just go with the flow,which spells trouble? I want to know, but don't want to be pushy. But, I am pushy, but I need to reel it in until he knows me better. As I was thinking about everything last night, I wondered if I already went turbo-zealous with the "need to know"; "no, but yes"; "yes...well no". The next date is Fri.

Wednesday - Revised

In reviewing my last post, I was not being completely honest with my feelings. That is why I say I don't trust feelings. They change on a whim, and sometimes I don't know why. RS wrote to see if I was free this weekend. I was SO excited, and looking forward to a weekend date. But, then he wrote to say he forgot about other plans and had to reschedule. I'm totally bummed. He's busy Sat, I'm busy Sun; When am I going to see him next?!! Okay let's reign in the craziness.

Wednesday

Met up with RS tonight at Fashion Island. (See 7/19/07) Had dinner then browsed around the mall. Concentrated on the art galleries and a pet store. He didn't walk me to my car, and I just rolled my eyes (in my head). Really, who raises these boys? I'm not asking for chivalry but courtesy. But that aside, I think I had a good time. My reaction is very reserved and cautious. He's easy to talk to. We laugh--not in an over-the-top kind of way, but in a casual, good time kind of way. Am I looking for uncontainable excitement compounded with anxiety-filled anticipation to be with him again? Because, I don't think that's what I feel. (But, my new thing is don't trust my feelings. My heady-steady demeanor is back and I will think this one through!!) Okay, bottom line, he's cute.

Saturday

It's probably just me, but I have a hard time drawing the distinction between being on a date, and just hanging out with someone new. I've been trying to discuss this with friends and even "F" who I met up with for coffee Saturday, yesterday. Maybe because my attitude is all off, my success rate is not so great. The general consensus is that there's this huge difference, that both parties, act, react or behave differently when on a date, versus when hanging out with a friend. I don't accept that. When it comes to someone I don't know, I try to get to know him...I don't try to be different because it is a date. In that process of learning about a person, I expect to get a sense if there could be more. But, because of this attitude, I tend to give someone several opportunities to show whether there can be more.

That said, coffee conversation with F on Sat. was more engaging than dinner conversation with R on Thurs. But, I am not inclined to go out with F again, whereas I am with R. Because F was so into sharing his experiences, expectations and goals in dating, it was off putting. The way he describes himself is unappealing, not bad, but just not my lifestyle. He describes himself as a simple guy. And, although I would classify myself as simple pimple too, we were on different planes.

What was I thinking?

I just got back from my date/first meeting with guy number 3, R. Let's see...it started at about 6:30p.m. and was home by 8:10 p.m. Hmm.....pictures are SO DECEIVING! I can't tell if the picture was old, or if the camera angle, lights, shot, etc. was particularly good, but he just was not the same. He was more mature looking than the photo. But, that's superficial and really, not the most important aspect. He's talkative, but there really wasn't anything really interesting to say. I get tired of the let's describe our travel experiences conversation. I get tired, of the where have you lived conversation. I get tired of the what do you/I do for work conversation. It's not bad conversation, but not engaging, interesting, exciting. Is it true, that I'll know it when I feel it? Is it possible that we just didn't get to topics that engage me? Such conversations, which I like, usually happen naturally, are not forced, but that just means that something prompts it, someone somehow brings it up. Am I looking for something not real, but a fantasy experience? I guess I am disappointed. I was hoping for butterflies, not bugs.

Interim Update Followup

Spoke with guy number 3 (See, There's Nothing Going On (7/15/07)) tonight. The excitement level went down 1-2 notches, which is good because it was really getting ridiculously out of control. We are meeting Thurs. night.

O text messaged me...after 2-3 days of no response....I guess it's not that long, but it's not that prompt either. Not sure how to respond.

Baseline

Just got off the phone with F (no last name yet). Was a first conversation and we set a time to meet for Saturday, day time. On the 1 to 10 scale of excitement, I'd give this a 6 or 7. Oh, this is match guy number two. (See, There's Nothing Going On (7/15/07)) He said he could tell I was smart, introspective... cerebral is the precise word used. While a compliment, I am not sure how flattering I take that. I mean, I don't want to be thought of as cerebral. I want to be fun and exciting. That would be a compliment. But, of course, we haven't met yet, so....

I forgot...

There was one other guy....O (never got so far as to get his last name). Met him via match. Exchanged many phone calls and emails but no date yet. Strange. We even had a "deep" conversation where we shared family history type information, which to me is personal. And, I thought some sort of follow through, "let's meet up" request would happen. But, no....what is with these people? Each time he's called lately, it's been Fri or Sat, and he's seeing if I'm available. I don't play games of pretending to be busy, but I really had something else going on, so we never met up. A friend says to drop him. We'll see if I can outright say no, if he calls again. We were supposed to meet up this Saturday, but I actually canceled for legitimate reasons. I expected him to try to reschedule, but no.....whatever!

New update: I think I have a date on Thurs with third guy....:-). No matter what, it's just fun to be looking forward to something. (I'll just keep reminding myself that...)

There's nothing going on!!

Here's a quick update, mostly to wrap up loose ends. HR--haven't heard from him since I called on July 4. He sent a text message saying he was working on the 4th. I called the next day, to go "awh" and really, it was one memorable awkward conversation. Like, he was waiting for me to say something more, maybe invite him to my 4th plans (which I was not in a position to do). Anyhow, I had to go because I was busy doing something. I apologized and said I had to go. I mean, really...there was dead silence for many seconds and I had to go. Well, that was July4 and haven't heard from him since. I contemplated whether to email or call to say hi. Since I am more interested in dating, rather than new friends, I'm not pursuing it any further. I should conserve my time...

The only other loose end is WJ--Went out with him July 2. He was leaving the country for a few weeks, so not sure when I should expect to hear from him, or when I let that one go.

In the works via match--First guy--I'm pretty sure ain't going anywhere. Second guy, just asked me out so we can have deep cerebral conversation--we'll see. Third guy--cute... sigh

Does this Count?

I had dinner with a long time friend from college days, who I lost touch with in recent years, but who has always been extremely good to me. Like, in college I didn't want to go to class and he went for me and took notes. Tonight, he took me to a surf and turf dinner. So very nice of him, considering how un-nice I have been to him over the years. He's one of those friends, who I just don't know why he's so good to me.

Saturday Night

Had dinner with WJ Sat night. Was a last minute invite (arranged Sat morning) but, since I was free, I met up with him. It was better than I expected, really. No magic but actually, it was a good time. He was interesting. He likes to talk, and ask question. So I talked, and listened and was amused. So yeah, it was good. He's short, like I remembered, but "cooler" than I remembered. I thought he was "square", that was my recollection, but he was hipper than I remembered. The evening lasted a while. Didn't get home until 12:30 or so. That's a while. The dinner place turns into a club, so we stayed until that started. Then, did a turn-a-bout the street. Then it was late and I had a party to plan the next day. He's off to Europe, but said he'd be in touch afterwards. Btw, this one can't go anywhere. He's too fresh out of his marriage. I wonder if that makes him more attractive, safer, you know? I am beginning to think that there's something to that...

Busy, but must update

It's gotten busy so I haven't been updating. But really, not much has happened. WJ called early this week, said he'd email me to get together. I enthusiastically said yes, but haven't heard from him since. Last week, I met up with HR. It was normal, on the uninteresting side. It was like hanging out with a very normal guy, but with no interest. We may hang out again, who knows?
I had a long phone call with a new one, last night. But, no "lets get together soon" followed. What's up with that?

Mid-Week Update, Part 2

Spoke with WJ--still married. Yep. It's not so bad, and he was up front and honest and his situation is understandable, and he has to start somewhere, somehow.....moving on....

Mid-Week Update

So its Wed and here's the update. I emailed HR, something to the effect of it was cool, let's hang some time. No response.

I emailed WJ. He was surprised that I did in fact contact him. We exchanged emails; he's actually interesting. I finally gave him my home number, and we've been phone tagging.

You know, email is much easier to communicate. With calling, especially a first call or two, you have to have the right time set aside. As an aside, I told a match guy I'd call him (bc we had exhausted our email) and I have yet to do so. That was 3 days ago? I need just the right time--btw 7-9p.m.--and if I'm at all distracted during those hours, then there goes the call.

Okay, and IQ, who I gave my card to, hasn't contacted me. Yep, nothing....all that time spent laughing, and twirling my head, and gazing away into his eyes (jk)...nothing.

What's the Key?

Finally after, many months of trying to find time to check it out, I made it to a lock and key event in Long Beach. As always, there's a bit of insecurity about what to expect, what will they think, what will I think. But, once we get there it's....bizzare. You walk through a "tunnel" which opens into the bar/lounge/dance floor area. The men, with drinks in hand dot the periphery. The women, clustered together in small groups sit anxiously. The eyes glaring at you; you glare back. "Is this what I came for?" floats through my head. "Not that I expect to meet the beautiful people of the community, but please, give me some half-way decent options please", also floats through my head.

Even before the event starts, as they are still distributing the locks and keys, Mike approaches us and asks to give "it" a shot. We say, the event hasn't started, isn't there an official bell to kick off the evening? But Mike insists. I say what the hey and give him my lock, and it opens! Wow, that wasn't so hard. We go collect a raffle ticket, and get a new lock. Mike and I find a way to part with barely an introduction. I know nothing more about him other than that he's been to this event before.

From then on, it was a mad rush to find matches. I don't care about the guys. I don't care about meeting someone, learning about them, or anything. All I care about is finding another match to win a raffle ticket. The competitive greedy frenzy emerges. It's like this: You stand there, chatting with someone, guy or girl, lets call him John, and others walk by. As you are chatting with John, you hold out your lock as Mike or whomever walks by. Without asmuchas a break in the conversation with John, Mike has already inserted his key to my lock, realized it didn't work and has moved on. I continue the chat with John.

By the end of the evening I collected 2 cards, and gave one of mine away. The first actual conversation I had was with HR. Don't know how it is I came to actually speak with him. I just decided to try to get to know someone and settled on him. We chatted, he gave me his card. He's new to town. I'd like to get to know him as a friend; don't see potential, but he was nice and friendly.

The second was WJ who insisted that I give him my contact info. I said, give me your card, he said, he'd prefer to have my info. Ran into him again later in the evening, we conversed about him being so insistent on my info, when I said I would contact him. I thought it strange; doesn't he trust that I would contact him. Anyhow, I promised that I would contact him, which I will have to now. But, the conversation has soured whatever positive impression was left of him.

The third was IQ who had too much to drink and hence was a barrel of laughs. So, that totally reeled me in. I'm that easy it seems.

Simplicity

I want to include this quote on my profile, am so tempted to do so, but I don't think that I will be understood.

So there is absolutely nothing new to report this week. On one hand, I feel like my life is occupied enough and I don't feel the need. But on the other hand, I know that if I don't constantly work at it, I will lose valuable time.

Complacency

A friend asked why there were no new posts, and the answer: There's no one new, nothing to write about. I've grown complacent.

I met up with R tonight. It was last minute, casual. I want to hang out, not date, but don't know how to have that conversation. I don't want him paying for me or doing anything special (although I let him tonight). I'm a good avoider of these issues, and from what I can sense, he's not one to broach the topic either. I know...it goes against my belief in being up front and honest.

It's time to shake things up. But how......?

Just Came Back

Just came back from date 2 with G. As I was walking behind the short alley-like way to my car, in the other parking lot, I was laughing out loud at the evening's ending... Not sure what to make of it, what it means, or where to take it from here (assuming I have the option). Am mulling over what to write.

After some thought...

Although I am independent, progressive, somewhat liberal minded feminist thinking, strong, empowered, confident etc etc type of woman, I just like being taken care of in the little ways. So those "open the door," "let you out first on the elevator," and "walk you to your car" things, I notice and appreciate. Its just nice that someone thinks enough to go out of their way for you.

But, I recognize (I'm considering...) that much of that is just up-bringing. Some men are just raised to do those things for women, regardless of their relationship or feelings toward her. It's not like those guys open the door for you because they like you, they just do it because. Same with walking you to your car, same with picking up the check after a meal. Right?

But, I would think that if you are trying to impress someone, that you would make more of an effort, go out of your way to do those things...right?

But, that is only if you know or realize that it is considerate and/or expected.

So, how much slack to you cut someone, or do you just cut them off? Is it being too picky and short-sighted. I would classify this as one of those "little things" that are nice but should not be used to make or break deals. How considerate and easy going should I be in this situation? Your thoughts?

The Skinny

First meeting/dinner date with H on Thurs. Asked me to dinner without prolonged email or phone conversation: liked. Asked what/where I preferred to eat: liked. Didn't have any prompt suggestions of where to eat: disliked. White lexus: disliked? Glasses: disliked. Yellow dress shirt: disliked. Tucked in pants: disliked. Effort to engage me in conversation: good. Things in common: not really. Friendly enough: sure. Made me laugh?: only in my head at the situation. Intellectually stimulating?: no (but not a fair criteria since it's a first date/meeting) Challenging?: no.

Is it Wrong?

Is it wrong to be talking to someone on the phone (first conversation) and be comparing it to other first conversations? How about having a pretend conversation with another person in your head, while carrying on a real conversation with a new guy? Is that a good sign or a bad sign?

For Fun and Entertainment

Found an absolutely fascinating website.

Click Here to Learn How to Pick Up a Woman

Gotta be informed so as to know how to react....

Attention Atencion

I like the attention. Regardless of the interest-or lack thereof-I like, enjoy, want the attention. This is hard to admit as it sounds narcissistic, or is, but its fun and makes me smile. Yeah, it amuses me.

My dinner with R did not come with much anticipation. That can be a good thing because then there's less disappointment. R was predictable, a solid okay time. Not bad, but no super 'wow'. Mind you, I'm not sure I really believe in 'wow' anymore, but it's my reference point for now. So, 'okay' is not bad. We talked, he's on the quiet side. We talked on the not-so-random work/sports/work/sports topics.

Drinking really makes things deceptive. It makes for a good time, but it makes you want to do things that you really don't want to do. I caught myself thinking about how Sunday's date will compare. Bad! Bad! concentrate on R, whose before me. More drinking...no worries, nothing good happened. It made for a feel good evening.

Next night, I went to some bar/club in Monteclair with a former coworker. She did my hair all curly and did my make up, so we were dressed up! Almost overdressed considering the low key nature of the sports bar but, I didn't know in advance what to expect. Siting there, trying to make eye contact, but afraid, wondering what would happen if I did but then again, too shy, glimpses here and there, but really not that effective in getting attention. What is effective is tapping someone on the shoulder and saying "hey, what's up with that guy" in reference to one of the guys in the group of boys sitting adjacent to us. Was flattered when a round of drinks were bought, but my low constitution didn't allow me to fully consume it. I kept on wondering if we were obligated now to talk to them or what. Me, I would have chatted them up regardless. Coworker is a little more hesitant. We danced and had a great time.

Later, we headed over to coworker's choice of cool club2. We, 2 ladies/girls/women, walk in. There is an open space and a bar along two walls. Pool tables are hidden off in the back. There is a dj blasting the Mexican country/folk music,which I heard as we were walking in. There were a handful of men, some with cowboy hats, jeans etc. I recall a woman or two, not including the bartender. Yeah, there were stares. I have this image of a man and woman dancing closely, like some movie depiction of loneliness and despair clinging onto each other after a long week of hard work. And, oh so friendly. We stand by the bar, and I look at coworker. Moments later, someone is beside her, talking her up. Moments later, someone is next to me talking me up. Except, I don't really speak spanish. I really need to learn. Not sure why we didn't stay long, what was wrong with those men?

Later, we end up at coworker's choice of cool club3. As we, 2 ladies/girls/women, head in, we encounter security--"let me see your purse contents before entering please". Not, ID, but security. Interesting. Go inside. There is a triangular bar. Pool table area is off to the left. Off to the deeper left is a section where there are a bunch of men sitting separately at tables. I look around. More men, a lot of men actually. It's not crowded but definitely had more people than the place where we came from. Older men, working mexican men, some with cowboy hats, mustache etc. We look into the area where the men are sitting and we see a woman. She wasn't quite naked, she was more covered than what you would see at a beach, but the thong was clearly thong. And the grinding was unmistakable. And the groping the men did was clear too. She was the only one there. Interesting...? I said we should leave, that this really isn't our scene. After moments of consideration we headed out the door, walk down the street toward our car, then some guy comes up and asks why we left. He chats us up, persuades us to return inside. Coworker talks to him. He's 22, going to "school", american/speaks english. I sit behind her along the bar as she chats with him. So interesting. How did I end up here?... He offers her a lap dance, and me too--"no thanks".

I'm loving every moment, absorbing the 'different' environment. The men are so friendly and forward. They offered to buy me a drink, I say no. In particular, one guy, Anthony?, was fairly young/clean cut. Could tell he labored hard from when I shook his hand. He wanted to buy me a drink, but I just had a water. He kept on insisting and said it would be his pleasure--"my pleasure"-to buy me a drink. Even a free water, I ask? He kept on insisting, so I eventually accepted. (I said no, many times, really!) There were definitely communication issues, and Coworker was of little help. Soon after my second round of water came (it ended up being bottled water) we left. Was that rude? I don't think so, but I am not sure if I'm not understanding the behavior code.

Lunch today with G was optimistically okay. Even though there was no 'wow' when we met, we have common interests. Good conversation. Decently funny/entertaining. Trying to figure out the eye-contact thing. Does it make a difference if I steal glances into a person's eyes, as opposed to the face, which is what I normally do? Is it noticeable? I've nothing "good" to write about him...sorry.

Fidelity

Music Video:FIDELITY (by Regina Spektor)

Music Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Establishing a baseline

It's 9:30pm, I am staring at my computer, in my office, at work!!! I stare and think: I should wear my new sandals, although they cut into my foot but it's healed sort of, but it's stacked heal and he's not that tall, so no. I wore the striped jeans last time, so do I wear jeans again, or something else, but what else, I really don't have much of a selection. What am I doing! I need to get out of here, concentrate... concen...trate...concen...I think I'm looking forward to Sunday more than Friday, lol.

Now, Sunday is a ways away. And last time a date was made on Monday for a weekend, it turned out disastrous, so do I contact him again...Wed..maybe Thurs...or Fri...? but that's pushing it. So many considerations. Do I call...email...does it matter, do I really care. What happened to waiting to be pursued?

As of now, I am enthusiastically looking forward. Sunday is a first meeting so that is exciting, probably a bit more enthusiastic about that one. Friday is exciting because it means he likes me.

Which One?

#1: 5/0/120
#2: 0/1/34
#3:

















Okay, so here are some options for the match.com main shot. I've had the "hat" shot up for a while, but I was informed that it was too wacky and it's a numbers game. The first one is currently posted, and is receiving a good response. The second one seems fob-y. I'm keeping stats and will share.

Hey Girl-Friends Out There

Just testing for now