Attention Atencion

I like the attention. Regardless of the interest-or lack thereof-I like, enjoy, want the attention. This is hard to admit as it sounds narcissistic, or is, but its fun and makes me smile. Yeah, it amuses me.

My dinner with R did not come with much anticipation. That can be a good thing because then there's less disappointment. R was predictable, a solid okay time. Not bad, but no super 'wow'. Mind you, I'm not sure I really believe in 'wow' anymore, but it's my reference point for now. So, 'okay' is not bad. We talked, he's on the quiet side. We talked on the not-so-random work/sports/work/sports topics.

Drinking really makes things deceptive. It makes for a good time, but it makes you want to do things that you really don't want to do. I caught myself thinking about how Sunday's date will compare. Bad! Bad! concentrate on R, whose before me. More drinking...no worries, nothing good happened. It made for a feel good evening.

Next night, I went to some bar/club in Monteclair with a former coworker. She did my hair all curly and did my make up, so we were dressed up! Almost overdressed considering the low key nature of the sports bar but, I didn't know in advance what to expect. Siting there, trying to make eye contact, but afraid, wondering what would happen if I did but then again, too shy, glimpses here and there, but really not that effective in getting attention. What is effective is tapping someone on the shoulder and saying "hey, what's up with that guy" in reference to one of the guys in the group of boys sitting adjacent to us. Was flattered when a round of drinks were bought, but my low constitution didn't allow me to fully consume it. I kept on wondering if we were obligated now to talk to them or what. Me, I would have chatted them up regardless. Coworker is a little more hesitant. We danced and had a great time.

Later, we headed over to coworker's choice of cool club2. We, 2 ladies/girls/women, walk in. There is an open space and a bar along two walls. Pool tables are hidden off in the back. There is a dj blasting the Mexican country/folk music,which I heard as we were walking in. There were a handful of men, some with cowboy hats, jeans etc. I recall a woman or two, not including the bartender. Yeah, there were stares. I have this image of a man and woman dancing closely, like some movie depiction of loneliness and despair clinging onto each other after a long week of hard work. And, oh so friendly. We stand by the bar, and I look at coworker. Moments later, someone is beside her, talking her up. Moments later, someone is next to me talking me up. Except, I don't really speak spanish. I really need to learn. Not sure why we didn't stay long, what was wrong with those men?

Later, we end up at coworker's choice of cool club3. As we, 2 ladies/girls/women, head in, we encounter security--"let me see your purse contents before entering please". Not, ID, but security. Interesting. Go inside. There is a triangular bar. Pool table area is off to the left. Off to the deeper left is a section where there are a bunch of men sitting separately at tables. I look around. More men, a lot of men actually. It's not crowded but definitely had more people than the place where we came from. Older men, working mexican men, some with cowboy hats, mustache etc. We look into the area where the men are sitting and we see a woman. She wasn't quite naked, she was more covered than what you would see at a beach, but the thong was clearly thong. And the grinding was unmistakable. And the groping the men did was clear too. She was the only one there. Interesting...? I said we should leave, that this really isn't our scene. After moments of consideration we headed out the door, walk down the street toward our car, then some guy comes up and asks why we left. He chats us up, persuades us to return inside. Coworker talks to him. He's 22, going to "school", american/speaks english. I sit behind her along the bar as she chats with him. So interesting. How did I end up here?... He offers her a lap dance, and me too--"no thanks".

I'm loving every moment, absorbing the 'different' environment. The men are so friendly and forward. They offered to buy me a drink, I say no. In particular, one guy, Anthony?, was fairly young/clean cut. Could tell he labored hard from when I shook his hand. He wanted to buy me a drink, but I just had a water. He kept on insisting and said it would be his pleasure--"my pleasure"-to buy me a drink. Even a free water, I ask? He kept on insisting, so I eventually accepted. (I said no, many times, really!) There were definitely communication issues, and Coworker was of little help. Soon after my second round of water came (it ended up being bottled water) we left. Was that rude? I don't think so, but I am not sure if I'm not understanding the behavior code.

Lunch today with G was optimistically okay. Even though there was no 'wow' when we met, we have common interests. Good conversation. Decently funny/entertaining. Trying to figure out the eye-contact thing. Does it make a difference if I steal glances into a person's eyes, as opposed to the face, which is what I normally do? Is it noticeable? I've nothing "good" to write about him...sorry.