GO called and asked me out proper. Now the tough part...how to say no. No. NO. NOOOOO.

Reflections

Every now and again I pause and reflect on how I've come along in this journey toward love and relationships. I don't have any regret of breaking up with my ex. I mean, I do think about what it would be like if we stayed together. We probably would be getting along okay, because we always got along. We were always compatible/friends, so yes, I still think it could have worked. But, I'm sure in the belief that we weren't passionate/romantic for each other. In love-speak, they always talk about the chemistry, passion, and illogic and lack of choice in love. We didn't have that. It's taken me this long to realize this because I always thought the other (what we had) was right and to be expected. Now, I understand otherwise because of my experiences.

IP14 is an example of the other end. There's heat, but am struggling to find the compatibility.

The Perfect Man; Mr. Right For Me

I am sure I have done this entry before; where I write down my perfect man, what I'm really looking for. But, I want to keep this posting current, and modify it as I evolve. I am constantly drafting in my head, what I'm looking for, but it sure can seem silly when I see it written down, but here goes! Hopefully, I'll remember and come back to this.

Good at, and focused on career/job, but aspiring to live a bohemian/free spirited lifestyle. Wants to settle down, without the house, kids, dog and picket fence. Intellectual/nerd with exceptional social/interpersonal skills. Adventurous in attitude, spirit and behavior. Someone who can teach me, show me things, or encourage and participate in new things with me. A desire to learn, to grow as a person. Someone who shares several similar interests, activity wise, with travel being a must. Compassion for those with less......

Lunch

Went to lunch with GO, a friend of a friend. I met him this past summer and saw him again recently. He asked me to lunch because he was going to be in the area. So, of course, I say yes. Date? or Not-a-date? I'm not particularly interested because I'm still focused on IP14, but was curious. Why why why....do some boys just not take a chance. Have more confidence than that... ask the girl out and face the possibility of no. A no up front can't be personal. A no after lunch...got to be worse, right? If you keep it ambiguous, it only leads to confusion and disappointment. You have to make it clear. He texted afterwards saying he had a good time at lunch. Nice, but now the confusion.

Spent more time with I14 this weekend. Getting to know him better, and the reservations are still there. Despite all the reservations, I am still in this budding relationship because I feel I have no good reason not to. I know I'm skeptical, so to compensate I'm sticking it out until I have a good reason not to. But, someone pointed out that it may not be fair to I14. It would be bad/unfair of me to let him continue thinking there's a future, when I'm not sure. But, then I think, he's so sweet and nice to me. What's wrong? Why can't I be more excited about him. He's the first guy who is actually serious/available. All the others, I knew weren't really serious. Here is a good guy who appears to be genuine. I should be more...

Went out with IP14 and it was just okay. It was a decent date, in that he picked me up, we went to dinner, we strolled along the beach etc. I'm just not sure. It's about the conversation. I need good conversation to be connected. Or, I need activity...otherwise what else is there?

Progression

I've been out with IP14 a handful of times now, including a great date on NYE. It's been great, but now I'm having reservations. There are the specific things where we're not compatible, but I can't say are good deal breakers. For example, he is clean... a germ-phobe, is how I like to categorize it. It's better than being a slob, but I am pretty dirty. I mean, I have no problem touching the toilet knob to flush it with my bare hands. I like library books, even though they are cesspools of germs. He uses hand sanitizer. He swears a lot. Not at me, of course...but as I would say "its a great day" he would say "what a *** day". Its not inappropriate, just not how I talk.

But, the big important thing is that we talk, but we don't really communicate. Not sure how to describe it. Not sure if it's a realistic point. I believe we get to know someone by spending time and seeing them interact with different life situations. I don't believe talking is the only way to communicate and learn about each other but it helps. So, I guess what I'm saying, is that I'm not sure how much we are connecting with each other. Part me says to be patient. This sort of concern clears itself up the more you spend time with each other. The other part of me has warning signs, that he's not right for me.

What bothers me is that there isn't anything specific to dislike about IP14, so it's hard to evaluate. He treats me well, is attentive, and seems to be interested. But, do I really need to evaluate right now?