A friend asked why there were no new posts, and the answer: There's no one new, nothing to write about. I've grown complacent.
I met up with R tonight. It was last minute, casual. I want to hang out, not date, but don't know how to have that conversation. I don't want him paying for me or doing anything special (although I let him tonight). I'm a good avoider of these issues, and from what I can sense, he's not one to broach the topic either. I know...it goes against my belief in being up front and honest.
It's time to shake things up. But how......?
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Just Came Back
Just came back from date 2 with G. As I was walking behind the short alley-like way to my car, in the other parking lot, I was laughing out loud at the evening's ending... Not sure what to make of it, what it means, or where to take it from here (assuming I have the option). Am mulling over what to write.
After some thought...
Although I am independent, progressive, somewhat liberal minded feminist thinking, strong, empowered, confident etc etc type of woman, I just like being taken care of in the little ways. So those "open the door," "let you out first on the elevator," and "walk you to your car" things, I notice and appreciate. Its just nice that someone thinks enough to go out of their way for you.
But, I recognize (I'm considering...) that much of that is just up-bringing. Some men are just raised to do those things for women, regardless of their relationship or feelings toward her. It's not like those guys open the door for you because they like you, they just do it because. Same with walking you to your car, same with picking up the check after a meal. Right?
But, I would think that if you are trying to impress someone, that you would make more of an effort, go out of your way to do those things...right?
But, that is only if you know or realize that it is considerate and/or expected.
So, how much slack to you cut someone, or do you just cut them off? Is it being too picky and short-sighted. I would classify this as one of those "little things" that are nice but should not be used to make or break deals. How considerate and easy going should I be in this situation? Your thoughts?
After some thought...
Although I am independent, progressive, somewhat liberal minded feminist thinking, strong, empowered, confident etc etc type of woman, I just like being taken care of in the little ways. So those "open the door," "let you out first on the elevator," and "walk you to your car" things, I notice and appreciate. Its just nice that someone thinks enough to go out of their way for you.
But, I recognize (I'm considering...) that much of that is just up-bringing. Some men are just raised to do those things for women, regardless of their relationship or feelings toward her. It's not like those guys open the door for you because they like you, they just do it because. Same with walking you to your car, same with picking up the check after a meal. Right?
But, I would think that if you are trying to impress someone, that you would make more of an effort, go out of your way to do those things...right?
But, that is only if you know or realize that it is considerate and/or expected.
So, how much slack to you cut someone, or do you just cut them off? Is it being too picky and short-sighted. I would classify this as one of those "little things" that are nice but should not be used to make or break deals. How considerate and easy going should I be in this situation? Your thoughts?
Friday, May 18, 2007
The Skinny
First meeting/dinner date with H on Thurs. Asked me to dinner without prolonged email or phone conversation: liked. Asked what/where I preferred to eat: liked. Didn't have any prompt suggestions of where to eat: disliked. White lexus: disliked? Glasses: disliked. Yellow dress shirt: disliked. Tucked in pants: disliked. Effort to engage me in conversation: good. Things in common: not really. Friendly enough: sure. Made me laugh?: only in my head at the situation. Intellectually stimulating?: no (but not a fair criteria since it's a first date/meeting) Challenging?: no.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Is it Wrong?
Is it wrong to be talking to someone on the phone (first conversation) and be comparing it to other first conversations? How about having a pretend conversation with another person in your head, while carrying on a real conversation with a new guy? Is that a good sign or a bad sign?
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
For Fun and Entertainment
Found an absolutely fascinating website.Click Here to Learn How to Pick Up a Woman
Gotta be informed so as to know how to react....
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Attention Atencion
I like the attention. Regardless of the interest-or lack thereof-I like, enjoy, want the attention. This is hard to admit as it sounds narcissistic, or is, but its fun and makes me smile. Yeah, it amuses me.
My dinner with R did not come with much anticipation. That can be a good thing because then there's less disappointment. R was predictable, a solid okay time. Not bad, but no super 'wow'. Mind you, I'm not sure I really believe in 'wow' anymore, but it's my reference point for now. So, 'okay' is not bad. We talked, he's on the quiet side. We talked on the not-so-random work/sports/work/sports topics.
Drinking really makes things deceptive. It makes for a good time, but it makes you want to do things that you really don't want to do. I caught myself thinking about how Sunday's date will compare. Bad! Bad! concentrate on R, whose before me. More drinking...no worries, nothing good happened. It made for a feel good evening.
Next night, I went to some bar/club in Monteclair with a former coworker. She did my hair all curly and did my make up, so we were dressed up! Almost overdressed considering the low key nature of the sports bar but, I didn't know in advance what to expect. Siting there, trying to make eye contact, but afraid, wondering what would happen if I did but then again, too shy, glimpses here and there, but really not that effective in getting attention. What is effective is tapping someone on the shoulder and saying "hey, what's up with that guy" in reference to one of the guys in the group of boys sitting adjacent to us. Was flattered when a round of drinks were bought, but my low constitution didn't allow me to fully consume it. I kept on wondering if we were obligated now to talk to them or what. Me, I would have chatted them up regardless. Coworker is a little more hesitant. We danced and had a great time.
Later, we headed over to coworker's choice of cool club2. We, 2 ladies/girls/women, walk in. There is an open space and a bar along two walls. Pool tables are hidden off in the back. There is a dj blasting the Mexican country/folk music,which I heard as we were walking in. There were a handful of men, some with cowboy hats, jeans etc. I recall a woman or two, not including the bartender. Yeah, there were stares. I have this image of a man and woman dancing closely, like some movie depiction of loneliness and despair clinging onto each other after a long week of hard work. And, oh so friendly. We stand by the bar, and I look at coworker. Moments later, someone is beside her, talking her up. Moments later, someone is next to me talking me up. Except, I don't really speak spanish. I really need to learn. Not sure why we didn't stay long, what was wrong with those men?
Later, we end up at coworker's choice of cool club3. As we, 2 ladies/girls/women, head in, we encounter security--"let me see your purse contents before entering please". Not, ID, but security. Interesting. Go inside. There is a triangular bar. Pool table area is off to the left. Off to the deeper left is a section where there are a bunch of men sitting separately at tables. I look around. More men, a lot of men actually. It's not crowded but definitely had more people than the place where we came from. Older men, working mexican men, some with cowboy hats, mustache etc. We look into the area where the men are sitting and we see a woman. She wasn't quite naked, she was more covered than what you would see at a beach, but the thong was clearly thong. And the grinding was unmistakable. And the groping the men did was clear too. She was the only one there. Interesting...? I said we should leave, that this really isn't our scene. After moments of consideration we headed out the door, walk down the street toward our car, then some guy comes up and asks why we left. He chats us up, persuades us to return inside. Coworker talks to him. He's 22, going to "school", american/speaks english. I sit behind her along the bar as she chats with him. So interesting. How did I end up here?... He offers her a lap dance, and me too--"no thanks".
I'm loving every moment, absorbing the 'different' environment. The men are so friendly and forward. They offered to buy me a drink, I say no. In particular, one guy, Anthony?, was fairly young/clean cut. Could tell he labored hard from when I shook his hand. He wanted to buy me a drink, but I just had a water. He kept on insisting and said it would be his pleasure--"my pleasure"-to buy me a drink. Even a free water, I ask? He kept on insisting, so I eventually accepted. (I said no, many times, really!) There were definitely communication issues, and Coworker was of little help. Soon after my second round of water came (it ended up being bottled water) we left. Was that rude? I don't think so, but I am not sure if I'm not understanding the behavior code.
Lunch today with G was optimistically okay. Even though there was no 'wow' when we met, we have common interests. Good conversation. Decently funny/entertaining. Trying to figure out the eye-contact thing. Does it make a difference if I steal glances into a person's eyes, as opposed to the face, which is what I normally do? Is it noticeable? I've nothing "good" to write about him...sorry.
My dinner with R did not come with much anticipation. That can be a good thing because then there's less disappointment. R was predictable, a solid okay time. Not bad, but no super 'wow'. Mind you, I'm not sure I really believe in 'wow' anymore, but it's my reference point for now. So, 'okay' is not bad. We talked, he's on the quiet side. We talked on the not-so-random work/sports/work/sports topics.
Drinking really makes things deceptive. It makes for a good time, but it makes you want to do things that you really don't want to do. I caught myself thinking about how Sunday's date will compare. Bad! Bad! concentrate on R, whose before me. More drinking...no worries, nothing good happened. It made for a feel good evening.
Next night, I went to some bar/club in Monteclair with a former coworker. She did my hair all curly and did my make up, so we were dressed up! Almost overdressed considering the low key nature of the sports bar but, I didn't know in advance what to expect. Siting there, trying to make eye contact, but afraid, wondering what would happen if I did but then again, too shy, glimpses here and there, but really not that effective in getting attention. What is effective is tapping someone on the shoulder and saying "hey, what's up with that guy" in reference to one of the guys in the group of boys sitting adjacent to us. Was flattered when a round of drinks were bought, but my low constitution didn't allow me to fully consume it. I kept on wondering if we were obligated now to talk to them or what. Me, I would have chatted them up regardless. Coworker is a little more hesitant. We danced and had a great time.
Later, we headed over to coworker's choice of cool club2. We, 2 ladies/girls/women, walk in. There is an open space and a bar along two walls. Pool tables are hidden off in the back. There is a dj blasting the Mexican country/folk music,which I heard as we were walking in. There were a handful of men, some with cowboy hats, jeans etc. I recall a woman or two, not including the bartender. Yeah, there were stares. I have this image of a man and woman dancing closely, like some movie depiction of loneliness and despair clinging onto each other after a long week of hard work. And, oh so friendly. We stand by the bar, and I look at coworker. Moments later, someone is beside her, talking her up. Moments later, someone is next to me talking me up. Except, I don't really speak spanish. I really need to learn. Not sure why we didn't stay long, what was wrong with those men?
Later, we end up at coworker's choice of cool club3. As we, 2 ladies/girls/women, head in, we encounter security--"let me see your purse contents before entering please". Not, ID, but security. Interesting. Go inside. There is a triangular bar. Pool table area is off to the left. Off to the deeper left is a section where there are a bunch of men sitting separately at tables. I look around. More men, a lot of men actually. It's not crowded but definitely had more people than the place where we came from. Older men, working mexican men, some with cowboy hats, mustache etc. We look into the area where the men are sitting and we see a woman. She wasn't quite naked, she was more covered than what you would see at a beach, but the thong was clearly thong. And the grinding was unmistakable. And the groping the men did was clear too. She was the only one there. Interesting...? I said we should leave, that this really isn't our scene. After moments of consideration we headed out the door, walk down the street toward our car, then some guy comes up and asks why we left. He chats us up, persuades us to return inside. Coworker talks to him. He's 22, going to "school", american/speaks english. I sit behind her along the bar as she chats with him. So interesting. How did I end up here?... He offers her a lap dance, and me too--"no thanks".
I'm loving every moment, absorbing the 'different' environment. The men are so friendly and forward. They offered to buy me a drink, I say no. In particular, one guy, Anthony?, was fairly young/clean cut. Could tell he labored hard from when I shook his hand. He wanted to buy me a drink, but I just had a water. He kept on insisting and said it would be his pleasure--"my pleasure"-to buy me a drink. Even a free water, I ask? He kept on insisting, so I eventually accepted. (I said no, many times, really!) There were definitely communication issues, and Coworker was of little help. Soon after my second round of water came (it ended up being bottled water) we left. Was that rude? I don't think so, but I am not sure if I'm not understanding the behavior code.
Lunch today with G was optimistically okay. Even though there was no 'wow' when we met, we have common interests. Good conversation. Decently funny/entertaining. Trying to figure out the eye-contact thing. Does it make a difference if I steal glances into a person's eyes, as opposed to the face, which is what I normally do? Is it noticeable? I've nothing "good" to write about him...sorry.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Establishing a baseline
It's 9:30pm, I am staring at my computer, in my office, at work!!! I stare and think: I should wear my new sandals, although they cut into my foot but it's healed sort of, but it's stacked heal and he's not that tall, so no. I wore the striped jeans last time, so do I wear jeans again, or something else, but what else, I really don't have much of a selection. What am I doing! I need to get out of here, concentrate... concen...trate...concen...I think I'm looking forward to Sunday more than Friday, lol.
Now, Sunday is a ways away. And last time a date was made on Monday for a weekend, it turned out disastrous, so do I contact him again...Wed..maybe Thurs...or Fri...? but that's pushing it. So many considerations. Do I call...email...does it matter, do I really care. What happened to waiting to be pursued?
As of now, I am enthusiastically looking forward. Sunday is a first meeting so that is exciting, probably a bit more enthusiastic about that one. Friday is exciting because it means he likes me.
Now, Sunday is a ways away. And last time a date was made on Monday for a weekend, it turned out disastrous, so do I contact him again...Wed..maybe Thurs...or Fri...? but that's pushing it. So many considerations. Do I call...email...does it matter, do I really care. What happened to waiting to be pursued?
As of now, I am enthusiastically looking forward. Sunday is a first meeting so that is exciting, probably a bit more enthusiastic about that one. Friday is exciting because it means he likes me.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Which One?
#1: 5/0/120
#2: 0/1/34
#3:
Okay, so here are some options for the match.com main shot. I've had the "hat" shot up for a while, but I was informed that it was too wacky and it's a numbers game. The first one is currently posted, and is receiving a good response. The second one seems fob-y. I'm keeping stats and will share.
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