So excited :)

So 9R actually called and wants to get dinner tomorrow. So excited.

Not so bad

Just got back from coffee with F11. He was not so bad. He was much more personable than his pictures, and lots more articulate which is all so good. He was completely normal: educated, good job, similar interests, can keep a conversation, listened, expressed interest in me. All such good qualities. I said I had to go home to get dinner. He offered to go out to eat, but I declined, because I wanted to cook. So, it was all such a positive. But, aren't I supposed to feel instant chemistry, click, pizazz? Is it all about pure physical attraction? F11 was okay looking. He's got a very interesting look and colorful eyes because he is mixed indian/mexican. But was I supposed to feel something from deep inside?

Plugging away...

Supposed to be meeting up with another, F11. Just plugging away. I've no interest in F11, don't even know why I'm going. Maybe? I'll be pleasantly surprised? But really, the photos, the emails...not looking forward to it, but I'm going. This is what happened, and is telling....we were emailing. He suggested getting together for dinner. I said coffee. He said he was open. I said how's Tues? Now, Monday, he just confirmed meeting.... a little last minute, don't ya think?

Slowly

I invited 9R to a get together with my friends and friends of friends. He came! But, I still can't figure him out. It's just taking so long...so not used to it. It's like 3 steps forward, 2 steps back. I had a great weekend, so I'm not bothered anymore.

Eh...

I just got back from a first date with M10. Eh....We have enough things in common, but I just don't feel it. Conversation was good, he's active, likes to travel, likes to eat out, seems like he has a good social network, seems generous, all really great qualities. Okay, he was so so attractive, but had some style at least. He was like his picture so no big surprises. I probably am not giving him a fair shot because 9R is still on my mind. 9R called me (returned my call) right as I was headed to dinner. So all through dinner, I'm just comparing, in my head. It's horrible, and I hate that I'm doing that.

I'm starting to be able to observe body language better. M10 started to lean across the table when talking to me. I leaned back. As we were leaving the restaurant, I noticed another couple where the girl was totally leaning into the table. She liked him.

Have a New Date on Thurs

I just made plans to meet up with a new one--M10. Going to dinner-sushi. I've no expectations really. He seems like he's got a sense of humor, so that's good.

Something I read...

Was reading this article today and needed to include this:

The tried-and-true ‘five-part flirt’: You catch someone’s eye, cock your head to the side, raise your eyebrows, look down, then away.

Okay, I will now practice this 10 times a day to perfect the art, then apply as I go about my life interactions. Could it be so easy?

Mere bashfulness without merit is awkwardness-Joseph Addison

The dinner with the friend went better than expected. There was no awkwardness. It was like old times, but with the realization that we are older, and have been through a lot the past few years. There was the familiar enthusiasm and positiveness that I remembered. We ended as friends, with the expectation to keep in touch.

Last night 9R invited me out with him and another friend. That, had overtones of awkwardness because it wasn't, and couldn't be the same as if we were alone. The only alone time was when he walked me to my car to say goodbye, and by then the vibe was platonic. I didn't pick up an interest vibe. I said thank you, goodnight, paused, kiss? hug? ....awkward. Hopped into the car, drove off.

I've been wondering if I rush things...meaning...because of the awkward pauses I initiated the "rush" to leave. In short, I was disappointed there wasn't more of a "goodbye".

Friend

Update on the friend who said he wanted a date...At first I said okay, then I said no, but we could meet. So we are meeting tomorrow but I previously said I wouldn't feel comfortable if it were a date. Meeting for dinner. Not sure if this story should go here on this blog anymore....

Still Thinking

I'm still thinking about 9R. I'm over the high/low exuberance I felt from right after, which I never thought of as real. Right now, I just think about him, not wanting to mess things up, reminding myself not to rush, and let things progress naturally. But waiting is so hard! I know he's interested in me at some level, but why hasn't he called or contacted me? I emailed him, but he hasn't responded. I know there must be a logical explanation, but it's bothering me.

So he wrote back to me tonight, without indicating when to see each other again. Driving me crazy. Can I just be up front and, be like, "so when can I see you next?" "You owe me dinner!" or "What's wrong with you?! I'm here throwing myself at you, yoo-hoo?!!" or "I'm desperate, come have your way with me?!" jk/lol. I now must wait before replying so as not to make it appear I'm so needy and desperate and overbearing and wanting and loony, although I am all those and more.

Fun times

Last night I went to a Korean church-organized singles function. I felt like I was in a game show; a participant but not understanding a thing. We missed the dinner (which was the most disappointing part of the evening). They played silly games designed for you to showcase yourself and meet each other. Somehow, I ended up front, on stage twice. The second time, the man I was partnered with did a silly dance, and I joined in! We ended up winning that one, and took home a small bouquet. They also gave us a gift card to coffee bean, which was meant for us to get together for coffee afterwards. When the evening ended, he came up to me, and said disappointedly "you speak only English?", to which I sadly acknowledged "yes". Oh well....

There was no potential for a love connection but it was fun.

Toward the end, we found the small group of English speakers. I was stopped by this guy (wingman, who had a gf) who was trying to get me to talk with his friend. I spoke with the friend for a bit, nice enough, but he was too young (est at 5 yrs), short and not forward enough. Turns out though, we knew some of the same people. The wingman kept on stating out loud for all to hear, "get her number!" "Let me get her number for you, I know he'll regret it later" and so forth. I'm so over being embarrassed any more, and was so amused by this. It was a bit of a pickle though, bc I was rooting for him to ask for the number in principle--the boy should learn to ask!--but, I really didn't want to give false hope. After some time passed, and we were all walking out, Wingman about-faced, bee-lined toward me, rambling "I'll get it for him, I know he'll regret it." In my nice/sweetest possible demeanor (which people have told me is gruff, but I can't help it!) I said "come on...he has to learn to ask himself...doesn't work that way....he's too young."