Right Now

Right Now, J3 and I are back on track. We had a good talk where we cleared up the misunderstandings, so I think we're good. But of course, I don't 100 percent trust this, so we'll see where I'm at tomorrow and the next day. Keep up!

Ping Pong

It's still so back and forth with J3. What is wrong with me!! He's being very persistent and insistent. I'm "yelling" at him to make it crystal clear; I'm pushing and pushing him away, but he still lingers around....

This is just an update, with things still up in the air.

So Obvious, Why do I still linger?

This morning's text msg from J3 was "Heyu. What u doing today?", then "call me", then a phone message, then another message. Okay, so I returned his call after the first phone call (leaving a message.) It's such an obvious, classic -- you want me only because I don't want you -- thing. Laughable. Truly laughable.

Such a Playa

"Good Morning Sunshine", was the text I got from J3 this morning. I'm proud that I didn't reply, like I had done before.

It's Over, For Real This Time. For Real.

I played and have been played by a playa. (Am I playee?) J3 and I never got to go out again, which was disappointing but for the best. When I emailed him last night if we were going to see each other this weekend, he gave me the "it's been a long week, maybe next weekend, is that alright?" response. While that worked on me last last week, and worked on me last last last last last week, this time, I did not believe him. I know, I'm slow, but I really wanted it to work with him.

When I got that email, I quickly replied, "I'm disappointed because I thought we had something special going...but it's clear otherwise." He said he "doesn't do needy girls with expectations." I replied something or another. He said "there's another girl I've been seeing who is fun, smart and mellow without the needy expectations." I said, "other girl, huh?". He said, "yeah, here's a pic of us." I said "I'm baffled, why send me a pic of you two?". I continued "we are just different, let it go, no hard feelings, it's cool, you should have just been straight up/honest." He said "I told you so, but it's not my fault for your misunderstandings". I said, "you're so puzzling, there's this part of me that wants to figure you out." He said, "great, when are we going out next, I can make time this weekend."

The above quotes are to the effect of, not literal. Looking back, I should have called him on it and seen if he would have found time for me this weekend. I'm still pondering to see if any good can be taken away--learning experience, entertainment value, finally got to date a playa...?

It's Just EMail!

Through eharmony I'm emailing a doctor, another R-4. I feel slightly bad because I am not detached from J3. I feel bad for R4, not J3. I feel like I need to fully disclose to him--there is someone else, and that if I suddenly drop you that's the reason why; sorry no hard feelings pal. I know I'm entitled to keep my options open, but it just seems unfair to R-4 even though we are just emailing.

Seriously.

Had a conversation with D2 last night. For some crazy reason he will call me, and I finally spoke at length with him last night. Because he asked, I ended up "yelling" at him saying that he talked way too much, and was arrogant. Interestingly, he liked it because his ego is so strong; I sensed that nothing but very direct and repeated comments would get through to him. It actually frustrated me greatly to talk with him, yet I couldn't hang up.

In discussing relationships and expectations, one interesting thing he said was that he was looking for that woman who he would want to change for. He cited movies like Pretty Woman and As Good As it Gets, where the one special woman makes the man want to change his embedded ways. He agrees he is set in his ways and will not settle for anything less, but longs to find that one woman who he wants to change for. It was interesting that a "man" also thinks like that, falling for the Hollywood fallacy. He wants the woman to "complete him" and "save him right back." Oh, and he wants sex too. seriously?!?

It's Not Over

Are you confused? I am too. J3 finally called me. It was a fun conversation so I was persuaded to continue seeing him. It's pathetic, I admit. But I can't help it.

I Think It's Over

I think it's over between J3 and me. If I had any pride, I'd declare it over without hesitation. After a week of very weak communications I finally got J3 to admit to me he's a player (my term, not his). I tried to cut him slack and give him benefit-of-the-doubt as to why he wasn't being responsive to me. In a fairly serious email exchange, I learned he is not ready to settle down despite what he says. I so much want to stick it out and change him. Maybe I can be the one to end his wandering ways. How delightful would that be. But, the reality side of me knows that it would be wrong to do and would never work in the long run anyhow.

So, it's back on the search for Mr. Good Enough. After experiencing the thrill of a black diamond run, can I be challenged and happy on a blue or green? Just got done watching Millionaire Club. One of the men commented, 10s are high maintenance, and that he will now look for 8s or 9s. I've got to be keeping that in mind, as I know and believe it true, but I so much want it all.

Is Good Enough Good Enough?

A friend forwarded me the article "Why it's OK to settle for Mr. Good Enough" and I am contemplating taking it to heart. I really (REALLY) like J3 because he is intelligent, super fun, hot, and exciting to be around. There is something very romantic about the instant attraction and energy we have together. He says the right things and I believe them. Of course there is a "but". The "fast" life he enjoys which is what makes him fun, also bothers me. I can do "fast" in small doses but not all the time, which is how he is. The loyalty to friends, which is admirable, places me second fiddle. The openly complimentary and affectionate words that I hear from him was new to me, but am realizing that is how he talks with everyone. There is more, but that's the gist. As the article points out, my head has been clouded by fairytale notions of love/romance, and the ingrained feminist training rejects needing and dependence. But if I don't want to end up alone, perhaps I should settle for "good enough". But, how do you tell your future husband, "sorry, you're not Mr. Right for me, but you are good enough, so yes!" I don't think that will go over so well.

All Day

All day is a long (LONG) time to spend with someone. I had a great time, but there are reservations. Am I over analyzing? Spending all day with someone can't be 100 percent "high", right? I don't think I recommend all day dates with someone new. There are bound to be down times, meaning you don't have the experience that every moment with him is magical. Don't get me wrong, I had a great time, but in between activities, it was odd because it was like we were a couple, completely comfortable just being there with each other. And, I wanted sparks all the time.

A promising start...

On Thursday I was up in J3's area for work and so I stopped by to visit him afterwards. It was a good time. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow.