Six

Met up with Y16 tonight, something low key...watched a movie, rental. It was nice. Simple, mellow. That pretty much describes the evening, the movie and him. Now am watching Mad Men at home.

Okay...Y16 and I talked...and I'm confused... I don't want to be taken for the fool...but...

He txtd he wants to take a dating break, I replied, what?!, he explained (via txt), I sent a long email "to set the record straight". I did not expect him to respond, I gave him an out. But then he did respond, and he called, and we talked. It's like...my strategy was to put the ball in his court, I did what I did so I could say I tried, but was ready to walk away. But, he responded. He wants to see me. I feel like I "won", but I don't want that. I'm left with a distasteful feel. I can't back out now...I already put myself out there...it would stink for me to back out. But I am not confident he's sincere. Why did he want to take a break, but now he doesn't? How seriously could he be taking me. He said he's seriously looking, he likes me so far. That's fine...it's only been 5 dates. I said I need more contact/conversations. I SO wanted to ask if he is dating others, is that why he's so busy? Is that why he was ready to cut me out? But, I just couldn't. I don't want to know. We're not there yet. I still keep my eyes/options open. I don't want to know the answer. My gut tells me he isn't although I know its fair game. Its just that I would not recommend this course of action to myself, but I can't help it...at least for now.

It's Getting Interesting...

We've been "communicating" but nothing is certain....but stay tuned...

A dating break

I am completely stunned. Like so worse than the last time. I texted Y16 to see how his weekend was. He was away this weekend, so, the weekend being over, I wrote to say hello. He writes back that he is going to take a dating break, sorry for now. I wrote back asking what happened.

Something is not right. I'm very upset. I mean, he was interested, he was. I was disappointed and thought it strange that he canceled on me last week, but it was understandable because we were both busy. It just doesn't make sense. I cannot accept this right now.

It's next week and I'm waiting!! I'm more bored and there's not much new to write about so here I am. I read this somewhat interesting article today. It says men have insecurities too.... reminds me to stop the expectations, living in the fantasy, especially those based on stereotypes. I've had so many conversations with girlfriends about how men are this or that, or, "think like a man" conversations. I need to stop with the expectations and assessment. Just trust, be and enjoy.

So tonight with Y16 didn't happen. I got out of my meeting late. He worked late. So he said it's too late, and I said yeah, I agree. Plus, I also still had work to do, so I was quite relieved. Now I gotta wait to next week!

Y16 called me tonight and we talked/chatted for while. This is sort of a first, because before, he would text and we would just set up time to meet. Tonight we chatted for a while; he talked about his work, I vented about mine. This is where it gets difficult (i know i'm over analyzing)....having to explain the frustrations of my job. It's such a large part of my life, a big source of my stress, and it's important that he understand me. But, I find it difficult....

Tomorrow night we are supposed to hang out after work...nothing formal...just mellow hanging out. He's working late, I have a meeting so there won't be much time together. At this point, my expectations are so high. I try to remind myself to be patient, to let things unfold at its own pace.

Number Five

For my fifth date with Y16, he took me to see Dave Mathews Band. Earlier in the week we had plans to see each other on Sat night. I was so excited because I was finally getting a Sat night with him. Then, days before he called to say he wanted to switch the date from Sat to Sun because he got tix to DMB. Since I was free, I totally said yes, but was pretty disappointed. My Sat plans had been thwarted, and I worked so hard to get the plans together.

DMB was pretty awesome. I know of their music but don't really know their music. Now I know why fans love them. As far as the date side goes, it was pretty nice. There was music, there was dancing...how could that be bad? He picked me up, we met up with his friends.... Should I even mention failure to signal when changing lanes?

I was speaking to a friend tonight and she reminded me that I need to keep my options open. No matter how I feel, I should keep options open until there is some formal understanding otherwise. She's right. But the motivation isn't there. I checked my eharm account and looked through it. Was mostly just cleaning up matters. I did initiate communication with someone. We'll see!

Back to I17 for a Moment 2

I met up with I17 tonight. I felt obligated to meet him because we had been talking for a while, kept playing phone tag, exchanging emails. I was so insistent that it be only for coffee, but he was hungry and I was hungry so we ended up eating, but at some place casual. He looked better than his picture, but that was because he had cut his hair short. But, he pretty much was what I expected.

At one point in the conversation, I told him I didn't think he could keep up with me. I told him how I have been doing these hard day hikes this summer. He responded by describing how I may be surprised by him because he used to walk all over campus a lot. Plus, there was the time he walked around the convention center all day long...a big convention center..back and forth. Perhaps, he could keep up...yeah...convention center walking...vs 11 mile, 4000 ft gain hikes....I'd say they are about equivalent, wouldn't you? I told him he should start with the local hikes and see if he likes it. He's never been to SF. He couldn't describe what he did for fun. Oh I felt bad. He tried, I could tell he was trying. He asked for a hug when we parted. Why do they do that?