Valentines Day

I survived Valentines Day! Ugh! Oh!...where do I start?! I'm always awkward about vday. What to do, what to expect etc etc...you know what I mean, especially with a new relationship. It doesn't help that I've been having more and more reservations about IP15.

On Wed, he couldn't commit to plans because he has stuff to take care of. I got that, I understood, really. On Thurs, he figured things out, and was free Sat. By then, I made the decision to go to the travel show. So, the plan was to meet in the afternoon. He's not so bad, because when I asked for specifics, he had chosen a place and restaurant. But that's about it. I don't expect more, but I do.

Dinner and movie were fine. Then there was the awkward, what to do next, as the evening was early. But, I was tired because I'd been out all day at the travel show, then went straight to meet him. So, I tried to broach the subject of our relationship, where it was going etc. I wanted to express my discontent, but I couldn't. I ended up saying..."you're going through stuff, I get it, but I have greater expectations.....I get that you're not in the best place, and don't hold it against you, but I do and have to for my sake....we haven't had any sort of relationship talk, but we should." He politely listens, says something can't remember...then, then he says...I got you something for vday.

Great, he gets me something. I got him nothing and I want to end it. He hands me a bag with a mp3 player. Just what I wanted, as I lost mine several months ago. It's exactly what I wanted. It's the perfect gift for me. Seriously. Ugh, I feel so bad; it's so awkward.

Now, when I recap what I told him in my head...I thought/was trying to say "I don't think we're right for each other", but I think I may have said, "I want more from our relationship, please step up". Ugh!