Just Thoughts Because Nothing Interesting Happened This Weekend

I watched the movie He's Just Not That Into You this weekend. It was a fun, cute, hollywood movie. The movie started with Gigi's realization that she is not the exception, but the rule. But then, each of the characters' stories ended in a hollywood fashion, where they were all the exception. Made for a feel good movie, but again, it's just another fictitious happy ending that fills the mind with unrealistic expectations. How do we let go of the fantasy?

A line from the movie was about how "spark" was a fabrication of some men. I've heard something similar but in another context. Sparks are so enjoyable, and part of the romantic magic. But, it is misleading, can be completely fabricated so caution!

At about 10:00p.m.

IP14 called me back and said he was surprised to hear from me. He thought it was over on Sat. I said I thought it ambiguous. We talked, and it was a good talk. Basically, he agreed that he is not in a position right now to give me more, and he understands that I'm not in the same position as him and it's unfair for him to hold me back from what I want. I offered to return the mp3 player, saying I would have never accepted if I thought that Sat was the end. He was "offended" and I've happily found a replacement for my old mp3, yeah! I said I was sad, why?, because it's the end of a chapter, segment of my life. I really liked IP14. There was just something that I really liked, even though I recognize that the differences were greater. He said that I'm good person, he's good person....He even said he was around tomorrow if I wanted to give him a call. But, I know I shouldn't.

At 9:20p.m.

I called IP14 just now and left a message. I had to call because I'm up in his area tomorrow, and we had discussed getting together, but that was before. I said that I wasn't sure how things ended, so I thought I'd call. So, I'm waiting and wondering if he'll call back.

I think he got it

I think IP14 understood what I was saying because he has not called me since. That's two days. I guess it was clear what I said, or maybe my reaction to his gift, or maybe my failure to give him something on vday, all made it clear what I was feeling. There is some disappointment that he did not call, but that is just ego wanting to score. I am confident the outcome is right, but want to protect the friendship so it doesn't have to be awkward. The plan is to call tomorrow, Tues night, because I was going to be in his area Wed night, although we made no real plans. See, that was part of the problem.

Valentines Day

I survived Valentines Day! Ugh! Oh!...where do I start?! I'm always awkward about vday. What to do, what to expect etc etc...you know what I mean, especially with a new relationship. It doesn't help that I've been having more and more reservations about IP15.

On Wed, he couldn't commit to plans because he has stuff to take care of. I got that, I understood, really. On Thurs, he figured things out, and was free Sat. By then, I made the decision to go to the travel show. So, the plan was to meet in the afternoon. He's not so bad, because when I asked for specifics, he had chosen a place and restaurant. But that's about it. I don't expect more, but I do.

Dinner and movie were fine. Then there was the awkward, what to do next, as the evening was early. But, I was tired because I'd been out all day at the travel show, then went straight to meet him. So, I tried to broach the subject of our relationship, where it was going etc. I wanted to express my discontent, but I couldn't. I ended up saying..."you're going through stuff, I get it, but I have greater expectations.....I get that you're not in the best place, and don't hold it against you, but I do and have to for my sake....we haven't had any sort of relationship talk, but we should." He politely listens, says something can't remember...then, then he says...I got you something for vday.

Great, he gets me something. I got him nothing and I want to end it. He hands me a bag with a mp3 player. Just what I wanted, as I lost mine several months ago. It's exactly what I wanted. It's the perfect gift for me. Seriously. Ugh, I feel so bad; it's so awkward.

Now, when I recap what I told him in my head...I thought/was trying to say "I don't think we're right for each other", but I think I may have said, "I want more from our relationship, please step up". Ugh!

trying to make good...

It took me days to return a call from GO--the friend of friend--who asked me out. I mean, it took me two days to call, and he said had to call back, which he did but left a message. Then, it took me like 4 days to call him back, because I didn't know how to say no. Hoping that the delay would be a hint, I thought I could escape the awkwardness, but alas no. We chatted, I said I'd been busy, he said would you like to get together again. I hummed hawed hummed. And said, I had fun, really I did, but I'm sort of dating someone, I think. Which, is the truth.