The Next Step

I took the next step and called a new person--J. No last name yet. We talked, it was good. Not so exciting. I realize that finding someone with comparable education is important, or attractive. I hate to be superficial that way, but learning that he went to a local school instantly made him seem so provincial. It's unfair because he could be more worldly than me, but that's the impression I felt. Then, when he found out what I do, I could hear/feel the gasp of impressiveness/intimidation to "oh, that's cool..." grasp for confidence.

All in all, it was a normal talk. He's into music, so that automatically makes him intriguing. If not for that, I wouldn't really pursue him any further.

Auction Anyone?

Tonight I went to a bachelor auction--local firefighters. Not sure what was more entertaining to see, the bachelors or screaming women. It was almost as wild as those male dancer/reviews. The boys loved it, all the women going crazy, screaming "take it off". Some shoving dollar bills down their gear. The last guy even showed a little buttock. Earlier on, a friend commented on one guy's nipples and for the rest, I kept on comparing staring. Also, I've had recent fascination with belly buttons. Some men just have huge pits/holes in their bellies. I've seen some where you could put a golf ball. Ewe. Maybe I exaggerate. Most of the crowd was younger, but the women with the purchasing power were older. The term cougar was thrown about.

Parsing perusals

So, the back and forth goes back and forth....then he said: Stay in touch though, ok?
This was said to me after determining that our schedules prevented us from getting together for almost 2 weeks. On the one hand, it expresses interest, no? On the other, hand its distant, like "take care". On the one hand it shows his doubt/insecurities; on the other hand, couldn't he just call if he were so concerned about keeping in touch? Is this like the obligatory "KIT" "BFF" scribbled on the last day of school in our yearbook? Yes, I have regressed. KIT my BFFs!

What happened.....

I haven't made an entry in a while because nothing has been happening. [pause] I've been trapped in this waiting game, trying to find some conclusion before writing about it.

So we had this great date a couple weeks ago. Presumed that another great date would follow, but didn't, but didn't know why, but didn't want to dismiss, but did, then didn't, and now did (or have or will). Follow?

When we finally saw each other, THE topic came up (about "us") (okay, I forced it a little). He said nothing ever good comes from these talks. Of course he's right, but they're necessary. The conclusion was left ambiguous, with no more clarity than before, which makes it clear, obvious, and a little sad.

I'm back looking, keeping my options open, forcing myself to because....

He may..., we may..., but I'm not going to hang any hopes on him. How do you keep optimistic after these lessons?

A Good Date

I think I had an objectively perfect date on Saturday. He took me to a theme park (he works there so he got me in for free). We spent a couple hours going on a few rides. It was fun, scary, exciting and engaging all at the same time. The weather was good, not too hot. By the evening, we headed over to a sports bar and watched college football. He followed his school, I followed mine. My school won. We sat, we ate, we chatted; it was fun, entertaining and exciting all at the same time. We continued to hang out afterwards, until we parted ways at night. I think this is what friends mean when they advise me to just enjoy and have fun; this is the best part. BUT, But, but....

Toggle II

Just when I was okay with letting the guarantee requirements go, I got an email from someone new. How excited I was, not because the person was of any interest, but because I could write back something neutral and meet the requirement. Really, what does this say about me and priorities? Btw, the person was not so great.

On another note...On the one hand, I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I like (love) compliments about my physical appearance. However, a first email that comments like that...ick.

Toggling

The match guarantee program requires you to contact five unique members each month. Tonight is the last day of the month, and I've gone back and forth and back and forth as to what to do. I haven't been contacting anyone new, or for that matter responding to anyone new...been busy, not interested, busy, occupied, etc. But, I don't want to give up the guarantee, just in case, you never know what can happen. So, I went on a contact spree and replied to 2 who have expressed interest. It (the program) doesn't say you have to have quality contact, just contact. I need one more...but don't know what to do. Should I just choose someone completely randomly? I don't want to give the wrong impression, so I have to be careful who I contact, what I say, etc. Then, I say, this is wrong. Why am I so concerned about the guarantee. Why not trust my gut?...because I don't trust it!

A Test?

My trip to Miami was great, all except the jellyfish sting on my face which left the left side of my eye/face swell up, with a dark red welt on my cheek and brow...oh, and there are blisters too. I had made arrangements for RS to pick me up from the airport, and he agreed. I was pleased that he agreed because the airport is a bit of the way away. So, I was nervous how I would appear coming off the long flight, with the scars of looking battered. Well, he saw me, but I rushed the subject for fear of an awkward reaction. So, I couldn't really gage the genuineness of the response (contrary to work today where some people glared but did not say anything, and others were "WHOA! WHAT HAPPENED?!")

Anyhow, so the reaction went cordial. Having seen me last night, the real test is will there be a follow up "how are you doing? how's it healing?" So far...nothing. This is of genuine, serious concern.