Tuesday

I agreed to meet up with a new guy, for coffee. I feel a tad guilty, just a tad...does that mean anything? I suggested tomorrow because Thurs I'm busy and, it felt off to have it after my date on Fri, i.e., Sat or Sun, although I am quite open those days. Next week would work too, but I kind-a wanted it over with.

Being at Crossroads

I had a nice birthday weekend. A friend took me out to a movie on Friday, and a play on Sat. Although the Sunday get together didn't happen as planned it worked out very nicely as I got to see RS...our third date (aah:)) I wanted to see him on the weekend, but he had plans on Sat, and I had plans on Sun. But then the plans changed and we hung out. We went to dinner (although I had just eaten and was not hungry at all); we had drinks and then strolled along the beach with the full moon staring at us. So basically, we went to the next level. But now, my mind races with all the possible combinations of where/how to take "this". What are the expectations, what's the timing? When do we go to the next next level?...what the heck is that anyways? what do I want? what's better for me? Do I think? or just go with the flow,which spells trouble? I want to know, but don't want to be pushy. But, I am pushy, but I need to reel it in until he knows me better. As I was thinking about everything last night, I wondered if I already went turbo-zealous with the "need to know"; "no, but yes"; "yes...well no". The next date is Fri.

Wednesday - Revised

In reviewing my last post, I was not being completely honest with my feelings. That is why I say I don't trust feelings. They change on a whim, and sometimes I don't know why. RS wrote to see if I was free this weekend. I was SO excited, and looking forward to a weekend date. But, then he wrote to say he forgot about other plans and had to reschedule. I'm totally bummed. He's busy Sat, I'm busy Sun; When am I going to see him next?!! Okay let's reign in the craziness.

Wednesday

Met up with RS tonight at Fashion Island. (See 7/19/07) Had dinner then browsed around the mall. Concentrated on the art galleries and a pet store. He didn't walk me to my car, and I just rolled my eyes (in my head). Really, who raises these boys? I'm not asking for chivalry but courtesy. But that aside, I think I had a good time. My reaction is very reserved and cautious. He's easy to talk to. We laugh--not in an over-the-top kind of way, but in a casual, good time kind of way. Am I looking for uncontainable excitement compounded with anxiety-filled anticipation to be with him again? Because, I don't think that's what I feel. (But, my new thing is don't trust my feelings. My heady-steady demeanor is back and I will think this one through!!) Okay, bottom line, he's cute.

Saturday

It's probably just me, but I have a hard time drawing the distinction between being on a date, and just hanging out with someone new. I've been trying to discuss this with friends and even "F" who I met up with for coffee Saturday, yesterday. Maybe because my attitude is all off, my success rate is not so great. The general consensus is that there's this huge difference, that both parties, act, react or behave differently when on a date, versus when hanging out with a friend. I don't accept that. When it comes to someone I don't know, I try to get to know him...I don't try to be different because it is a date. In that process of learning about a person, I expect to get a sense if there could be more. But, because of this attitude, I tend to give someone several opportunities to show whether there can be more.

That said, coffee conversation with F on Sat. was more engaging than dinner conversation with R on Thurs. But, I am not inclined to go out with F again, whereas I am with R. Because F was so into sharing his experiences, expectations and goals in dating, it was off putting. The way he describes himself is unappealing, not bad, but just not my lifestyle. He describes himself as a simple guy. And, although I would classify myself as simple pimple too, we were on different planes.

What was I thinking?

I just got back from my date/first meeting with guy number 3, R. Let's see...it started at about 6:30p.m. and was home by 8:10 p.m. Hmm.....pictures are SO DECEIVING! I can't tell if the picture was old, or if the camera angle, lights, shot, etc. was particularly good, but he just was not the same. He was more mature looking than the photo. But, that's superficial and really, not the most important aspect. He's talkative, but there really wasn't anything really interesting to say. I get tired of the let's describe our travel experiences conversation. I get tired, of the where have you lived conversation. I get tired of the what do you/I do for work conversation. It's not bad conversation, but not engaging, interesting, exciting. Is it true, that I'll know it when I feel it? Is it possible that we just didn't get to topics that engage me? Such conversations, which I like, usually happen naturally, are not forced, but that just means that something prompts it, someone somehow brings it up. Am I looking for something not real, but a fantasy experience? I guess I am disappointed. I was hoping for butterflies, not bugs.

Interim Update Followup

Spoke with guy number 3 (See, There's Nothing Going On (7/15/07)) tonight. The excitement level went down 1-2 notches, which is good because it was really getting ridiculously out of control. We are meeting Thurs. night.

O text messaged me...after 2-3 days of no response....I guess it's not that long, but it's not that prompt either. Not sure how to respond.

Baseline

Just got off the phone with F (no last name yet). Was a first conversation and we set a time to meet for Saturday, day time. On the 1 to 10 scale of excitement, I'd give this a 6 or 7. Oh, this is match guy number two. (See, There's Nothing Going On (7/15/07)) He said he could tell I was smart, introspective... cerebral is the precise word used. While a compliment, I am not sure how flattering I take that. I mean, I don't want to be thought of as cerebral. I want to be fun and exciting. That would be a compliment. But, of course, we haven't met yet, so....

I forgot...

There was one other guy....O (never got so far as to get his last name). Met him via match. Exchanged many phone calls and emails but no date yet. Strange. We even had a "deep" conversation where we shared family history type information, which to me is personal. And, I thought some sort of follow through, "let's meet up" request would happen. But, no....what is with these people? Each time he's called lately, it's been Fri or Sat, and he's seeing if I'm available. I don't play games of pretending to be busy, but I really had something else going on, so we never met up. A friend says to drop him. We'll see if I can outright say no, if he calls again. We were supposed to meet up this Saturday, but I actually canceled for legitimate reasons. I expected him to try to reschedule, but no.....whatever!

New update: I think I have a date on Thurs with third guy....:-). No matter what, it's just fun to be looking forward to something. (I'll just keep reminding myself that...)

There's nothing going on!!

Here's a quick update, mostly to wrap up loose ends. HR--haven't heard from him since I called on July 4. He sent a text message saying he was working on the 4th. I called the next day, to go "awh" and really, it was one memorable awkward conversation. Like, he was waiting for me to say something more, maybe invite him to my 4th plans (which I was not in a position to do). Anyhow, I had to go because I was busy doing something. I apologized and said I had to go. I mean, really...there was dead silence for many seconds and I had to go. Well, that was July4 and haven't heard from him since. I contemplated whether to email or call to say hi. Since I am more interested in dating, rather than new friends, I'm not pursuing it any further. I should conserve my time...

The only other loose end is WJ--Went out with him July 2. He was leaving the country for a few weeks, so not sure when I should expect to hear from him, or when I let that one go.

In the works via match--First guy--I'm pretty sure ain't going anywhere. Second guy, just asked me out so we can have deep cerebral conversation--we'll see. Third guy--cute... sigh

Does this Count?

I had dinner with a long time friend from college days, who I lost touch with in recent years, but who has always been extremely good to me. Like, in college I didn't want to go to class and he went for me and took notes. Tonight, he took me to a surf and turf dinner. So very nice of him, considering how un-nice I have been to him over the years. He's one of those friends, who I just don't know why he's so good to me.

Saturday Night

Had dinner with WJ Sat night. Was a last minute invite (arranged Sat morning) but, since I was free, I met up with him. It was better than I expected, really. No magic but actually, it was a good time. He was interesting. He likes to talk, and ask question. So I talked, and listened and was amused. So yeah, it was good. He's short, like I remembered, but "cooler" than I remembered. I thought he was "square", that was my recollection, but he was hipper than I remembered. The evening lasted a while. Didn't get home until 12:30 or so. That's a while. The dinner place turns into a club, so we stayed until that started. Then, did a turn-a-bout the street. Then it was late and I had a party to plan the next day. He's off to Europe, but said he'd be in touch afterwards. Btw, this one can't go anywhere. He's too fresh out of his marriage. I wonder if that makes him more attractive, safer, you know? I am beginning to think that there's something to that...